Actions That Cost You Friendships

Everybody likes a joyous person and so they find ways to be around such a person more than they do for unhappy people. Being joyous doesn’t mean that one doesn’t have dull days but it is an attitude of the heart that sees more good than bad in anything. Such a person can make you their friend as they generally focus on your good qualities, they can easily encourage you when you are down and even if you tried to hide your pain to them they would see through you and be ready to help out.

Often when a friendship or love relationship ends, two different versions of what happened come out. Each party says they were not to blame, instead, they have a list of wrong and unfair things that were done to them by the other person. It can be very confusing to hear both sides especially if emotions are still flaring from both ends. Third parties are then usually compelled to pick a side simply because of loyalty not because that side is right. What causes this mix-up of perspective? Often, it is self-centeredness.

A self-centered person sees themselves as a victim in every situation. They have loads of expectations from other people but never take the time to ask themselves what they could give to please the other. We all tend to be like that unless we place conscious effort to be otherwise. It usually is with much enthusiasm and certainty that we answer the question “What are the qualities you expect from your partner?” On the other hand the question, “What are the qualities you expect of yourself that would make you a good partner” is left unanswered.

Living from one day to the next but never stopping to introspect to improve on your weaknesses is one sure way to lose friends and loved ones. Of course, it is not easy to confront and tell yourself ugly truths about your undesirable habits but do you know what is worse? Having someone else outline them because they are fed up with you, especially as a result of a falling out between you two. Denial, anger, acceptance, and lastly grief or sadness is the order of emotions we usually go through when our bad side is exposed. I say it is better to willingly start this cycle alone by introspection and putting your house in order.

People are different and so expectations in relationships differ but some behaviors are universally frowned upon. No one likes the feeling of humiliation for example, therefore as much as sarcasm can spice up conversations and experiences, it should be minimized. Use it with people that understand and appreciate it, and even with them gauge their mood first to see if they can take it. Overuse of it makes you come out as mean and cold.

Some people are more talkative than others but once you notice a trend in which it is always you speaking try this: back up a bit and encourage others to speak also. You will be surprised at the number of things you will learn by simply listening for a change. You will discover also that even the quietest of people have valuable things to say but they just don’t like to fight for the opportunity to be heard. When listened to, however, they feel important too.

Confidence is a marvelous quality to possess. A confident person easily makes friends because they trust and believe that they are likable so they don’t struggle to make conversation. They are good to keep as well because somehow they liberate those around them to also be confident about themselves. Arrogance, on the other hand, is a terrible people-repellent. Sometimes the line is difficult to draw between the two but in simple terms, arrogant is one who feels that they are superior to others and they go on to show it with their actions.

An arrogant person rarely ever apologizes for their wrongdoings. Mostly they don’t even see when they have done something to offend others. They don’t value other people’s opinions as they think they are the smartest or best in everything. To keep your friendships and relationships, strive not to be this kind of person. Search your heart to see if there is a trace of this poison in you and purpose to get rid of it.

In conclusion, everybody loves a friend who puts effort to become a better person. You may have all sorts of weaknesses as we all do but people can see your efforts if you are ever trying to improve. Invite your folks sometimes to criticize you and suggest ways for you to get better. This is good for them too as they learn to be as comfortable in their skin regardless of flaws as you are. At the end of the day what is most important is to have happy, healthy, and progressive relationships.

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